Work: A Buzz Kill

As I have mentioned in a previous post, the season of work is well underway and the end is not nigh. Surrounded by digestive crumbs and an array of tea-cups, I deliberate whether my essay even needs finishing. It does. I know it does. However, the prospect of completing this essay only to begin revision is almost too much to handle. 50% or not, I’m taking a break. I’m taking a break and I’m watching ‘Murder She Wrote’, because, really, there’s nothing more endearing than watching old people get themselves into trouble.

The thing I hate most about coursework season is curiously not the coursework itself but rather how it makes me feel. It makes me feel like a loser. A loser with no friends; stranded in a sea of ‘History of English’ essay plans and ‘World Cinema’ revision notes. In fact, it’s become almost unsurprising that even Miss Marple lives a more adventurous life than me.

Undeniably, during the revision days and the coursework nights, I transform into the most boring version of myself that anyone could ever imagine. These days my fun comes from the google logo changing and making ‘Dubsmash’ videos with my cat. Although I’m aware this is not cool, it’s not work. So yeah. It makes me happy. The fact remains, however, that for the short time frame that doing coursework and revising for exams takes, I am under the ridiculous impression that everyone has a preposterously better life than me. Is this my self-pity replacing logic? Well, of course it is. I know that the girl taking selfies with every member of the choir on Facebook is a boring sod but, still, that chick is preaching the right message; “I’m out having fun”. Sat in my pyjamas and eating hob nobs at one in the morning, I silently hate on everyone. I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed for the millionth time and I groan and wonder, once again, whether education is the path for me. I believe it is. I’m bad at organisation and I can’t fold up maps. No doubt I’d plan to travel Australia and never get round to it because I’d be too busy watching ‘Diagnosis Murder’.

Nevertheless, as I lay on my sofa watching Jessica Fletcher solve the murder with pure intuition, I can’t help but deliberate whether my friends do the same things as me when they are by themselves. Clearly, everyone runs up the stairs in the dark, because that’s just commonsense; who knows what’s behind you. But do they sometimes break into song just because they can? Do they occasionally hold their boobs because it surprisingly feels nice? And do they sometimes go over the week’s events and curse themselves for saying the wrong thing to that one person that one time? I’d like to think they do.The real question is, do celebrities? I always seem to find myself thinking about what other people are up to and whether the work they’re doing is more interesting. More interesting than translating 11th century texts? Surely not.

Ða cwaeð Stranguilio: ‘Hlaford Apolloni, ure ceaster is þearfende and ne mæg þine æðelborennesse acuman, forðon ðe we þoliað þone heardestan hungor and þone reðestan, and minre ceasterwaru nis nan hælo hiht, ac se wælreowesta ende stent ætforan urum eagum.’ Đa cwæð Apollonius: ‘Min se leofesta freond Strangiulio, þanca Gode þæt he me fliman hider to eowrum gemæran gelædde.’

Honestly, it’s by thinking about all these things that I start to accept my grim situation and concede that, actually, everyone has days where there’s not much going on. Pretty much every student shall be reliably experiencing the same lack of excitement. I’m not necessarily a boring person because I’m unable to go out every night and do fun activities everyday. I couldn’t do that because I have no money and I wouldn’t do that because I actually adore lounging on my sofa. It merely infuriates me that I don’t have a choice. I’ve finally come to understand that just because I’m not back home, doesn’t mean that there’s a party going on every night. Sometimes people are doing exactly what I’m doing with and without the stress of looming exams. My nothing days are more frequent this month but it shall come to an end and I’m aware I’m not alone. I have my cat.

Despite my rumblings and brainless ramblings about this present week, I will openly admit that this is almost entirely due to the work load. Regardless of the impending doom and my brain melting to mush, I have intermittently enjoyed many an adventure. In fact, earlier this week I returned from the remarkable city that is Amsterdam. Contrary to the impression I have given, there have been both highs and lows this month (and it’s only been a week). If you haven’t understood my pun in that last line, I am incredibly dubi-ous of your intelligence. Yes, this week, I have submitted not one but two pieces of coursework, hooray and I have probably failed, not one, but two modules, boo. I  got paid today and shall be going out, yay! But I shall be poor and hungover tomorrow. Eurgh. The life of a student in two lines no less. Although, returning from Amsterdam to a mountain of work was a buzz kill if ever there was one, it has spurred me on for summer. There shall be endless days of doing nothing without the feeling that I should be doing something. Alas, there will be sun shining days of lazing around, writing blog posts and deciding what to do next…

…with my cat.