Luck: A Loss

Although it ails me to make this confession, I feel it is one that I ought to  confront whilst still feeling mildly progressive- I am a loser. As in I lose the majority of my possessions 40% of the time and there is no way that I can deny it. The time it takes me to leave the house is unbearable and the pain I inflict upon my awaiting friends is immense. It would please me to say that these are the reasons I stay at home but they aren’t. I just do. And although there are times in which I show great promise of being a sensible human being; these hopes are quickly dashed when I realise I can barely make 12pm lectures and I occasionally forget to brush my teeth. Staying indoors is safest right? In fact, I have so little faith in myself regarding these things that I once lost my glasses only to find them 3 months later in my glasses case. You see, I hadn’t bothered to check this rather obvious location because, frankly, I didn’t think I was adult enough to have put them back. Be that as it may, however,  I am also optimistic, if not annoyingly nonchalant. The disputable notions that “everything happens for a reason” and “emitting positive vibes reaps rewards” are theories I hold in very high esteem. Or at least I did until this week. Sadly, this week has given me a rude awakening. It has taught me that things don’t always turn up. Perhaps they didn’t even exist in the first place. I know my dignity certainly didn’t. Coming into the world naked you say? How humiliating.

My life in a picture. An ode to all the biscuits lost at tea.

For several years I have naively believed myself to be an extremely lucky person. I dearly wish I meant this in the humble “I have people that love me and I’ve not wanted for anything” way but I don’t. I mean it in the “how the hell am I at university and how am I surviving?” type way. Until recently, no matter where I had strewn my possessions, they were always returned to me. Admittedly, it was often after I had replaced them but for the most part it was appreciated. Particularly my bank card. Thank you Tesco’s shopper, but thank you me for not getting a contactless card. Obviously, there is hope yet. Nevertheless, to install this sense of foolishness further, I once lost my iPod only to find it in a pair of old shoes 6 months later. It is ridiculous, I know, but such is my life. A Facebook meme once read “I’m an adult but more like an adult cat…Like someone should probably take care of me but I can also sorta make it on my own” which, to be honest, is a too kind description of my lacking abilities.  This month alone I have lost some trousers, a fob, a perfume and my cool. My only feat is that I have not yet lost my job and somehow my ID is still on my person…wait…yes. Yes it is.

Before I recount my story of annoyance and irritation, I shall first disclaim that I am my own worst enemy. You see, regardless of being aware of my own failures and faults, I continue to plough forth with my limitations anyway. Whether this is bravery or just plain idleness is completely up to your own discretion, but personally I think DNA is a hard opponent to combat. I mean, to be biologically programmed to go against intuition is devastatingly crippling. Einstein once said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome”. Although, I’d like to feign practicality and protest that, no, I do not repeat mistakes; the sad truth is I do. The sad truth is I did this week and the outcome was not best pleasing. Unfortunately, I lost my student card and, not only has it caused me inconvenience, it has caused me confrontation. A word that seldom features within my vernacular. However, I must firstly explain how losing my student card came about and how it irrevocably reinforces this suggestion of insanity. Read below.

It is with great shame that I admit that I have…or had, this terrible habit of putting my student card in the same pocket as my iPhone. I write this shamefully because, as you might expect, when I pulled out my phone my card decided to follow. The frequency of which this faux par occurred is embarrassing and something I should have addressed immediately. Me being me, however, I, of course, did not. I merely continued to pick my student card up off the floor and place it firmly back in its place- my pocket…with my phone. I believe my thoughts during this process were “I’ve noticed it fall out this many times, clearly, I’ll notice it fall out another number of times”. The only thought that should have gone through my head is “lets put this troublemaker in another pocket”. Oh well. Hindsight is the devil’s advocate. It is almost as annoying as when someone says “There it is! Right where you left it.” because a) duh and b) I didn’t know I’d left it there did I? Regardless, these things can be easily avoided, yet, for some reason my entire being says “avoid that? No Pol! Teach yourself a lesson”. A lesson that is seldom learnt. How do you think I lost my fob? Stupid phone pocket.

The moment before she loses her tea, her laptop…and her degree. JK. They’re all okay-ish.

Nevertheless, the losing of one’s possessions is something that is aggravating and is something that is far more hindering to the individual than it is to anyone else. Agreed? I do not want to sneak into the library like a secret agent (it’s not as fun as it seems) nor do I want to buy a new one. Because, honestly, my money can be better spent on other things like alcohol and Domino’s. So, when I was confronted with, possibly, the world’s rudest receptionist, I was already feeling pretty self-ashamed. You see, upon being unable to scan my student card through the barrier between me and my lecture, I was informed I had to go to reception for someone to let me through. The reception that, regrettably, homed the vilest woman I have yet to come across. Honestly, the tone in which she spoke to me could have made a grown man cry. Of course, although taken aback, I continued to be polite and cheery. I apologised for losing my card and I assured her that I would get a new one (eventually). I thought it was a simple slap on the wrists and a walk right through type procedure. Apparently, I was wrong. This receptionist informed me in an exceptionally snide voice that I had to sign in. She accompanied this with a remark that honestly made my blood boil. “You’re going to get far aren’t you?”…say what now? She wanted a conversation about getting far? I don’t want to have that conversation with myself never mind her. So yeah! *insert profanity* you.

This woman, who’s name and faculty I shall not disclose, was so impossibly rude that I could have self-combust with anger. Clearly, I lose things, but that day I lost something far more precious…my temper. The thought of even having one more conversation with this woman scared me, so confronting her face-to-face was out of the question. It was never in consideration. My supple skin and zen demeanor were not made for battle. I wrote an email to the complaints office instead and I got her fired. HAHA. Relax, I didn’t get her fired. I do, however, have a meeting with her superior tomorrow morning. You see, although I do not want this woman to lose her job, I do not want her dampening my day nor anyone else’s with that attitude again. You can protest that maybe she was having a bad day but I can inform you that that’s not the case. I state this because not only did I grace her dull world that day but because, on a separate occasion, she has dealt with my friend in a similar fashion. Which clearly suggests that this is an issue that should be addressed. At the risk of being dramatic, she made me feel unnerved and she made me want revenge. If not merely to understand that it is unacceptable for her to talk to students in such a way and that implying their imminent failure in life is not a good strategy. Only I can crack jokes about failure and sometimes I fail at that.

Nevertheless, this month has been testing. It has tested my faith in positivity and the strength of my own good luck. Although, there was a time in which my luck seemed misplaced, along with the rest of my worldly goods, and dampened like my ill dunked digestives; it has finally been restored. Today, after braving the torrential rain and making it to student services, I was informed that, no, I need not buy a new student card because my old one had been handed in! Woo hoo! From this turn of events, I can only deduct that my luck is on the rise. I shall find my trousers that are in my house somewhere and I shall find love. Okay, I was over ambitious with that one, I’ll rephrase; I shall find Domino’s. Seriously though, just you watch, things will start gravitating back. If anyone has ever watched ‘Cougar Town’ featuring Courtney Cox, you may be familiar with the character Andy. Andy is the kind of person we should all strive to be- an optimist. In one episode he loses all kinds of things but instead of moping around he radiates positive vibes, and eventually his possessions come back to him plus some. So lets all be Andy’s even if we’re losers. At least I think that was the message of the episode…

…who knows, the real one was lost on me.